When I first decided to advocate for education policy, it was my hope that I could educate the public (parents, teachers, students, etc.) about education policy, and how it affects them. There has been instances when my writings drilled down to specific school districts, but I have always tried to address issues by providing specific statutes and/or policies that, if followed, would eliminate the issue. In recent years, I have been pulled away from advocacy by the needs of my own family, a pandemic, two hurricanes, an ice age, and now, a 100 year flood. When this parent reached out to me, I realized that there are so many things wrong about this incident that the only way I could help is to make sure that as many people as possible hear about it.
Below you will find the letter written to me by a parent that I am publishing with their permission. It is long. It is hard to read. And it is heart-breaking. Fair warning, it contains profanity, but it is relevant to the incident. My intent is not to generate racist comments, or for people to taking black or white positions. This is about the fine line between handling issues that occur out of school when they cross over into school, and how a failure to take into consideration the behaviors of others that drive a student into a corner and ultimately lashes out. But more importantly, the right for every child to receive an education in a safe and loving environment. Please share.
“This letter is in regards to our son, Sam McCarley, a 6th grade student at Sherwood Middle School.
Our hell started on April 27th… Actually it had been growing up to that point, but, that was the day that it all exploded, and the truth came out of what led to that day….
My beautiful, smart, kind hearted, amazing son, was baited and hooked. He was liked by a girl who he saw no interest in except as a friend. They were all caught up in a chat group on social media, texting, talking, and seeing which one of them could make my son break. They called him GAY, PUSSY, CRACKER, PWB, MOMMA’S BOY, and really all he was wanting to do was talk with his two guy friends that were on there… Wrong place, wrong people, wrong time, and he knows that now… The girls kept taunting him that he was GAY because he didn’t want to be the boyfriend of one of the girls. This all had been in the works for a while, but, our kiddo, being the naive soul that he is, just stayed a part of the crowd to be with the ones that were his friends. The girls kept wanting him to say the N word, and calling him names because he wouldn’t… They were saying it, sending memes, so, he was a PUSSY if he didn’t say it…. Finally, the peer pressure got to him, and rather doing the right thing and leaving the group(I am 49, and still do the wrong thing often; do we ever learn) the word was finally texted out to the group by none other than my son…. N!##&@!!!!! Big as life; plain as day. And the screenshots starting going off by the 3 girls involved, and one of them immediately said, “I’m going to tell Ms. NOEL, the PRINCIPAL; SHE IS NOT GOING TO LIKE THIS.”
One of the little girls had even gotten my phone # and sent me the screenshot within 2 minutes of him typing it out…. BAIT & HOOK… that’s what that is called…. How the hell did they get my phone #? And had it waiting and ready to send to me to get my son in trouble with his mom….
I called him immediately, there was no denying that he’d typed it. I told him to turn off the phone and I’d be home after work. After getting home, all social media and text/chat groups were removed from his phone. He was scared; shaken. We let him know that what he’d done was WRONG; wrong place, wrong time, wrong people, wrong words. He told us all the names he had been called. And said that he was afraid to go to school, showing us the text that was sent by the girl that said she was going to tell the principal. We told him there was NOTHING to worry about there, as this was an incident outside of school, he could not be punished at school, and that this would be handled at home. He also told us that the girls in the chat had told him that he should kill himself because he as racist… They told him that they were going to have their families come after his family and kill us because we were all racist. They told him he wasn’t worth living anymore. We praised his greatness, told him we knew he didn’t have a racist bone, and that NOBODY was going to hurt him or us… That we would ALWAYS PROTECT HIM.
The following morning, before 8:30 am, I received a phone call from the school. Ms. Self. She was calling to let me know that she’d gotten several phone calls and emails over the last several hours, stating that my son had said the N word in a text. I told her that I was aware of this, this had nothing to do with school, nor was it done during school times, and that we had it under control. I thanked her for letting me know, and a little later in the morning, I felt that I had possibly been too short with her, so, I emailed her and thanked her again. At that point her emails became more inquisitive, wanting names, and screenshots that I had of the conversation. I gave her the names of the kids involved, and asked her if she could make sure that Sam knows that he is SAFE at school if he received any threats at school upon going back to school the following Monday. I know we had told him he was fine, but, I felt he needed to hear that from people that he was with at school.
Sam went back to school that following Monday, and life went on as normal. We asked him how things were for 2 days and he said all was good. I tried to say little and left all open for him to talk and keep us in the know…. and had there been problems, he would have told it…. because that’s what our kid does.
On May 5th, I get yet another phone call from Ms. Self at the school. Letting me know that our son had told one of his teachers that he was going virtual, and that she thought that would be the best thing for him to do due to the negative actions he’d brought into the school. I was FLOORED; we’d not discussed virtual. Why was he telling a teacher this???? I asked her to have the teacher call me that had relayed this message to her. They were doing state testing. I wanted to go and get my child, but, knew I couldn’t because of the testing. I felt my child was not being taken care of . I emailed Ms. Self, Ms. Noel, and several other Ms.’s wanting to know if Sam could be pulled away from the other students to finish testing and wanting to know what time I could get him at the end of the day when testing was over. NO RESPONSE. Finally after lunch, I called Ms. Self back, and she let me know that she’d been so busy, she’d not even read my email, nor had she ever made contact with Sam at any time that week to let him know he was safe and all was good. BUT, she had time to contact me about my child leaving the school. I emailed Ms. Noel and asked her to make contact with me ASAP.
Ms. Noel called me, said that she would get to the school and get to the bottom of this. She also proceeded to bring up Sam’s grades, and I had to tell her that was not the point of this discussion, and let’s stay on track. She then told me that they had issues with Sam and the fact that he wouldn’t open up and talk to them. What is this called; GASLIGHTING? Pulling attention off of the matter at hand to try to cover their butt??? It was very much poor judgement and consideration on Ms. Noel’s behalf to belittle my son in a moment when they had let us down as a school in the ability to take care of my child there. She was trying to avoid the matter at hand.
They brought Sam into their office, and talked with him, and called me back. The teacher then called me that Ms. Self said had told her that Sam said he was going virtual due to bullying at school. I asked the teacher about Sam coming to her, and she let me know Sam had never come to her and said anything… I was not really surprised by this; it was just more evident to me that my son was their example. They were going to get him out of that school by their lying and conniving, and make an example out of him to others. That Sam didn’t follow our rules and now look, he’s gone.
I went on to seek assistance from other people with the EBR school system. Mr. Shamlin was very kind to me, but, sent it on to his assistants to handle. I was called by a Mr. John McCann last week. He wouldn’t even let me speak, and I kindly told him that I would have to escalate the matter above him, as I couldn’t even talk to him. He liked pointing out that people need to use common sense in matters. Don’t talk to me about COMMON SENSE, when your school system cannot protect my child and is TARGETING HIM….
Our son did not gone to campus at all last week. He’s been virtual all week. He’s afraid that someone is going to do something to him. He’s been told by kids at school they were going to beat him up. He’s been called names. The screenshot that was taken by the girls of the N word has been passed all over the school. Kids have shown it to my son at school letting him know that they’d seen it. YET, my son was called GAY, CRACKER, PUSSY, MOMMA’S BOY, PWB, was told that HE SHOULD DIE, THAT HE SHOULD KILL HIMSELF, and here I sit…. The one having to pull my child out of the school and home for virtual with only 6 days of school left… I am heartbroken, hurt, and wish with all of me that I could be put into his place. But, all that I can do is explain to him that he is safe, loved, taken care of, we have got him, and that this is a life lesson; there will always be lots of bad people in the world…. Run from them; ALWAYS.
THE SCHOOL WAS WRONG; THE SCHOOL LET MY CHILD DOWN. THE SCHOOL TRIED TO COME INTO A HOME MATTER AND MAKE IT THEIR OWN. That should have NEVER happened. Upon receipt of the first email about our son texting the N word, the school should have advised that this was an out of school matter, do not bring it into my school. BUT, they didn’t; a few took it and ran with it. When the screenshot started running around the school, it definitely should have been nipped at that time…. They did not.
Last week, I brought my son home and made him virtual. He is not safe there. My son was not only harassed and bullied by the children there, but, he and myself were harased by a portion of the staff there, and I was talked down to and belittled by a member of the EBR school board. I hope this letter gets into the hands of someone that does not let another family become victim of the manipulation of the school and school board. Everyone’s child deserves to be protected; and as I stated to the school, I cannot be there at all times to take care of him. But, I do hope that a lesson is learned to many of you all not to hurt others. You are there to teach the children, be a positive impact on them. Not to wreak the havoc that you have in my son’s life.
Angel Weeks, Proud Mother of Sam McCarley“
